The "Wet Blanket" Wicker Man

*****
That's right - The Wicker Man was boring as hell, and that's putting it nicely. But what else can we expect from a Nicolas Cage movie succeeding his role in the first National Treasure installment? (If you couldn't tell, it is my opinion that every movie he has starred in since then has pretty much been a "flusher," meaning they were all absolute crap.)

The Wicker Man (version 2006), starring Nicolas Cage, Ellen Burstyn and Leelee Sobieski, is a remake of The Wicker Man (version 1973), which starred Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee and Britt Ekland. Cage plays a police officer who is requested by an ex-girlfriend named Willow (Kate Beahan) to come to the secretive island known as Summersisle, where she lives in a colony of nature worshippers, to find her missing daughter. When he arrives, however, the other members of the colony deny the missing girl's existence, sending Cage down a spiral of misleading clues and set-ups that will ultimately lead to his demise.

I had very high expectations of this movie, none of which were met. The story was stupid and one I have heard before; the lead actor was seemingly disinterested and just overall bad; and the ending was ridiculous and completely expected. I figured this film had come before Cage's downfall, but it actually seems like The Wicker Man marked the subsequent death of his previously-impressive acting resume.

Don't rent it. Don't On-Demand it. Don't download it. Don't watch it.

Boo, Nicolas Cage. Boo.

"Lady in the Water"

So I'm going to attempt to make a videocast pretty regularly, meaning either every week, every other week, or monthly, if I get that behind... I'll give a brief synopsis of one movie each time, along with critic reviews and my opinion.

This is my first installment - enjoy, and please let me know what you think!

The return of what? Not a thriller...

*****
Sarah Michelle Gellar plays Joanna Mills, a traveling saleswoman who devotes her life to the business, in the 2006 psychological thriller The Return.

On a sales trip to Marlin, Texis, Joanna finds herself experiencing recurring fainting spells, during which time she has visions of a murder that occurred when she was only 11 years old. She awakens from these spells in random places with cuts on her arms and legs that were self-inflicted with a switchblade she keeps in her pocket. Joanna is set on uncovering the origin of her frightening visions, which are proving to be more accurate with each spell. Her determination leads her down a path of discovery, passion and murder; but losing her identity may be the scariest part of all.

Overall, the movie was interesting... at best. I didn't jump as much as I had expected (or hoped) to. There were no scary faces, no completely unexpected moments. The film had its plot twists, but not so unpredictable were they, nor was the ending. If there's anything good at all to be said about this movie, it's that Sam Shepard is the best - he plays the best father role, not only in this movie but also in The Notebook. I wish he were my dad (But, who wouldn't love that?).

ERADICATION. STERILIZATION. RE-POPULATION. RE-INFECTION.

*****

Some might call me a horror movie buff. Some might say that I have no soul. I believe that the rush of adrenaline I get while watching a scary movie is exhilarating; my favorite part is waking up in my room at night in complete darkness or walking from a parking garage on campus to my residence hall and letting my imagination spook me. And that is the best aspect of the 28 Days Later series - the two films have successfully managed to scare me, which hasn't happened with many others.

15 DAYS LATER: MAINLAND BRITAIN HAS BEEN QUARANTINED

28 DAYS LATER: MAINLAND BRITAIN HAS BEEN DESTROYED BY THE RAGE VIRUS

5 WEEKS LATER: THE INFECTED HAVE DIED OF STARVATION

11 WEEKS LATER: AN AMERICAN-LED NATO FORCE ENTERS LONDON

18 WEEKS LATER: MAINLAND BRITAIN IS DECLARED FREE OF INFECTION

24 WEEKS LATER: RECONSTRUCTION BEGINS

28 WEEKS LATER

In early May I went to see 28 Weeks Later, the 28 Days Later sequel, with my friend Ed and one or two of his buddies. (Ed and another friend, Mark, run a really great entertainment blog that everyone should check out.) I'm so glad Ed was there because he gave me an arm to squeeze when parts of the movie actually scared me. And just as a side note, because we saw the movie opening weekend, we got free posters!

In 28 Days Later, a group of scientists are using chimpanzees to test a the effects of a new 'virus' - pure rage. A group of animal activists set out to release the chimps, unaware that the poor creatures are infected with the virus - which is transferred when one being comes into contact with infected DNA, found in both blood and saliva - and extremely dangerous. The virus spreads like wild fire, and over 28 days, Great Britain is overwhelmed with the infected. A few survivors struggle to stay alive, hiding and running from the virus as long as they can, hoping that there is still someone alive who can save them.

28 Weeks Later picks up - you guessed it - 28 weeks after the initial outbreak of the rage virus. An area of London has been quarantined by the U.S. Army, which reassures the world that the infection there has died-out; thus, repopulation begins.

Andy (Mackintosh Muggleton - and yes, that really is his name) and Tammy Harris (Imogen Poots - almost equally bizarre) return to England after being overseas during the outbreak of the virus and, therefore, safe from harm. Upon his re-entering, Andy is told that at only 12 years old, he is the youngest person residing in Great Britain. The kids are reunited with their father, Don (Robert Carlyle, Angela's Ashes), who survived an attack by the infected while hiding in a cottage. Don then has to explain to his children how their mother, Alice (Catherine McCormack), died (although he chooses to exclude the fact the he left her behind to be killed by flesh-eating zombies).

Andy is worried he will forget his mother's face, so he and Tammy concoct a plan to cross the quarantine barrier around the safe area where the survivors are housed, known as District One - for clothes and a photograph of their mother, mind you - into what remains of Great Britain, which has become a wasteland. The movie isn't boring up until this point, but things certainly take an interesting turn when Andy and Tammy reach their family's house and discover something that will change their lives, as well as the lives of the survivors back at quarantine, forever.

Muggleton and Poots are newcomers to keep your eye on. Although it was his first movie and there haven't been any since, Muggleton is sure to pop-up on the big screen again soon. Poots was previously seen as the young Valerie in V for Vendetta and can be seen in two upcoming films, Miss Austen Regrets and Waking Madison. Another actress to watch out for is Rose Byrne, who has acted in films such as Wicker Park, Troy, and one of my personal favorites, Sunshine.

I was disappointed that Cillian Murphy was not in the second film as well; he is one of my favorite actors, and it's not just because he's dreamy. It would have been interesting to see what became of his character after seven months (for those who don't know, Murphy was the main character in 28 Days Later). However, Days was a lower-budget film than its sequel, and although they cover the same general story line, the two films are very different.

Rolling Stone writer Peter Travers declared Weeks is unique in that it is "a sequel that doesn't suck," and I concur.

28 Weeks Later was released on DVD and Blu-Ray October 9 in the states. Pick it up, right now, and watch it - you will enjoy it. And I must have uncanny timing because this review comes approximately 28 weeks after the film's [theater] release date.

Alec Baldwin is a failure, but you already knew that

*****

In his time, Peter Boyle could have made any movie worthwhile.

Alec Baldwin, on the other hand, only makes me wish I had the last 108 minutes of my life back.

Although the The Shadow was nominated for four Saturn Awards in 1995 by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films, USA - Best Actress, Penelope Ann Miller; Best Costumes, Bob Ringwood; Best Music, Jerry Goldsmith; and Best Special Effects - all I can bring myself to do while watching this movie is laugh.

Based on the 1930s comic strip, The Shadow is a movie about a man who uses his ability to become invisible and to "cloud men's minds" with the power of telekinesis. He fights his arch-nemesis, Shiwan Khan, played by John Lone, in order to stop him from holding the world ransom with an atomic bomb. Tim Curry plays a supporting role as Farley Claymore, the conniving evil sidekick - a character he plays so very well. Penelope Ann Miller plays Margo Lane, the damsel in distress who is able to help save The Shadow in the end, and Peter Boyle plays The Shadow's sarcastic cabby.

This movie is ridiculous - I'm not even sure that this fully deserves a review, but you can decide for yourselves. Go watch The Shadow for shits-and-giggles. It's only worth about the $4 you'll spend on the rental.

The little film that could

*****
Until a recent excursion to Washington D.C., I had never heard of Terry Gilliam, nor had I heard of his 2006 (2005 UK) fantasy film entitled Tideland. I bought it, judging the movie by its cover and cast list - which I've heard is a bad thing to do - and hoping that I would not be disappointed by the $27 DVD. After watching the 121 minute movie, I can honestly say that I am not disappointed, but more intrigued, impressed, and mostly satisfied with my purchase.

In a world where fireflies are fairies who have names, plastic doll heads speak in varied dialects atop fingertips and squirrels talk, ten-year-old Jeliza-Rose (Jodelle Ferland - Silent Hill, Kingdom Hospital) escapes the reality of her drug-addicted father and the death of her mother. She finds companionship in the mentally damaged Dickens, played by Brendan Fletcher, and fear in Dickens' older sister, Dell, played by Janet McTeer, all the while trying to find herself in a world that could never accept her upbringing.

Even though she is just a child, Jeliza-Rose is forced to act much like an adult. Her two addicted parents make it clear that they cannot take care of themselves, so Jeliza-Rose is put in a situation where she has to take care of them. While her mother - played by Jennifer Tilly - mainly asks Jeliza to massage her legs, her father - played by Jeff Bridges - goes as far as to teach Jeliza how to prepare his meth and heroin injections, to the point where Jeliza arranges his syringe daily, catching his cigarette hand after each fix to make sure he doesn't light the house on fire. When her mother dies, Jeliza-Rose and her father run away to her grandmother's abandoned house in a place called Jutland. The first day there, Jeliza prepares an injection for her father to go on another "vacation," one from which he may not return. Dell and Dickens become Jeliza's temporary family, but their warped view on life only confuses the girl more, forcing her deeper into "the rabbit hole."

There is so much more to this movie, but to explain further would give a lot away - more than I already have! If you have seen and enjoy movies such as Pan's Labyrinth and Big Fish, there is a good chance you would enjoy the creativity presented in Tideland. The movie will offend and bother many people because it brings to light issues involving children, maturity, addiction and sexuality, but one need remember that it is a fictional movie; an imaginative story; a thought-provoking piece of art, and not something that should be taken so seriously.

My sink is spilling cellophane

*****

I know it came out some time ago, but I only just got the chance to watch Michel Gondry's The Science of Sleep. Let me just say: I regret waiting so long... Gael Garcia Bernal is WONDERFUL.

Stephane, the son of a femme francaise and an hombre mexicano, is a twenty-something who finds it hard to separate what is dream from what is reality. After the death of his father, Stephane moves to France when his widowed mother makes him believe she has secured for him a creative illustrating job at a calendar company. This, in fact, is a lie she concocts to bring Stephane closer to her, leaving him with a job he hates (pasting titles on the tops of calender pages), an undersized bed (the same bed he slept in as a child, complete with little boy-inspired trucker bed linens), and a gorgeously intriguing francaise neighbour named Stephanie (played by Charlotte Gainsbourg)- but wait a minute; that isn't really so bad. Stephane and Stephanie become extremely close, sharing their inspirations, creative ideas and inventions from one-second time machines, to water composed of scraps of colored cellophane surrounding a forest in a boat.

Stephane's dreams include an eight-inch electric razor with metallic spider legs that he uses to overtake his boss, who stifles his creative ideas; he and his co-workers dressed-up in animal suits while performing a song to woo Stephanie; and swimming through the sea of the city to deliver his apology letter to Stephanie, which turns out to be about the length of a novel and the size of a cardboard display project. In my personal favorite fantasy, Stephane's hands each grow to the size of a small child and he fights off the responsibilities of his job, including the post-it notes stuck to his flag pole fingers.

All of Stephane's dreams take place on "Stephane TV," the fantasy world where he broadcasts his dreams to whatever audience, showing them how to make a dream.


"Hi, and welcome back to another episode of 'Television Educative.' Tonight, I'll show you how dreams are prepared. People think it's a very simple and easy process, but it's a bit more complicated than that. As you can see, a very delicate combination of complex ingredients in the key. First, we put in some random thoughts. And then, we add a little bit of reminiscences of the day... mixed with some memories from the past. [adding in some pasta] That's for two people. Love; friendship; relationships... and all those 'ships,' together with songs you heard during the day, things you saw, and also, uh... personal... Okay, I think it's one," Stephane tells his viewers as a dream materializes in a puff of red smoke from his cooking pot.

Without giving too much away, I recommend the movie to anyone and everyone - whether you are the creative type; a wet blanket; a movie lover or a bookworm, you will be able to find something you can enjoy and relate to in this movie.